Sick (and very tired)

So I don't know what exactly happened, but I woke up this morning feeling like someone had scraped the inside of my throat with sandpaper. I had to go to school, which sucked, but after I got home, I went to sleep for a few hours. I woke up with the weirdest feeling, I was really hot and my heart was absolutely pounding. Although on a normal day, I'd probably think it was cool and take a listen or something, but today it just really annoyed me.

I actually got kind of angry, but I was too tired to get up and try to do anything about it, so I pretty much kicked off my covers and turned on some music in an attempt to calm down.
Right now, I'm at about 80, which seems pretty good to me, consideiring that I have a fever of like 100.
The good news is that I shouldn't have to go to school tomorrow, because I'm sick. I'm hoping I'll have time for a more interesting post then.

6 random things I'm thinking about

1. The biology class I'm taking this year. I've already looked through the textbook and we're going to be learning about human anatomy this year.  I'm really not looking forward to it. I already know that I'm going to have to let somebody take my pulse and sit through at least an hour of the teacher talking about hearts and all of that stuff and I just don't want to do it! I even hate the word heart! I also have no clue what I'm going to do in class because I really can't say the word "heart", like not at all...

2. My heart stopping. I've always found it a bit intriguing, I guess, thinking about my heart just stopping (and thus me dying). Death seems like a strange concept too, on one hand it seems peaceful, but it also just seems kind of weird. I guess there's just something about the fact that the transition between life and death can be so quick that just kind of fascinates me. I'm also really not scared of death, which I suppose is good, although I'm terrified of losing people I love. It's just kind of an odd thing for me to think about, one moment my heart is beating and I'm alive. The next moment, it stops and I'm more or less dead (my physical body is technically dead).

3. The nature of this interest. It's starting to change, but to my surprise, I'm actually getting less interested in the interest. Also, I've found that I am much more interested in cuddling and ear stething than I am in doing an actual examination with a stethoscope or anything that's sexual. I guess it's just another change though, maybe things will change more. 

4. The song Better Than Drugs by Skillet. Yes, it says the word "heartbeat" like 10 times, but I just love this song. A Lot.

5. Coffee. Because I love caffeine, way more than I should. My boyfriend says that he worries that I'm going to have a few too many energy drinks and have problems, but I don't think that will happen. I think it's sweet that he cares though. He told me that he cares about my heart and wants to make sure that I'm ok. I find it a bit interesting, but also a little sad, that sometimes he worries about my and my health more than I do.

6. My boyfriend, because I love him to death. And because he's amazing and he's so accepting of this interest, which I love!

Anyway, that's about what I'm thinking, minus some of the scary hell-ish stuff that is my mind. I'm gonna go get some coffee and then probably go to bed, because that's pretty much what I do.

A sweet moment for me

So, I've been coping with stuff a lot better now, and I think I'm getting better.

Yesterday, I got to spend some time with my boyfriend, which was awesome because I hadn't seen him in a while. He seems like he's really getting into my little heart interest. While we were watching a movie, he put his arms around me and just kind of held me for a bit. A couple minutes into the movie I noticed that his hand had moved a bit lower and was resting directly over my heart. He kept it there for a while and commented once that I must have gotten a bit scared because my heart was beating much quicker.

After the movie, we were just kind of sitting around and talking. We had kind of a quiet moment and I slowly slid my hand up his shirt and put it over his heart. I noticed that if was beating faster than it usually is, and when I commented, he seemed happy about it, and laid down so I could put my ear on his chest to listen, which was awesome.

Generally, it was a really sweet and nice day for me and I feel so lucky to have him in my life.

My First Stethoscope

Guess what, Story time again!

It was mid-December of 2010. For the first time, I was ordering presents for my family online by myself. This also meant, that I had the perfect excuse to buy something and keep it a secret. I knew just what I wanted too. I had spent a few years lusting over my mother's stethoscope, but had never had the nerve to take it from her bathroom. I spent hours looking online, so eager about finally being able to get a stethoscope of my own. Finally, I settled on a dual head model by Prestige Medical(which was about 15 dollars). I quickly selected the rest of the gifts I planned to give for Christmas and bought everything. I was so excited that night, because I knew that in a few short days, it would be mine.

These few short days turned out to be long anxious days. In my mind, I went through every horrible scenario imaginable: What if the box said the word "Stethoscope" on it? Or maybe it would say "Prestige Medical"? What if my mom opens it accidentally? Or she opens it on purpose?

Finally, after days of waiting, I heard the doorbell ring. I ran downstairs and got the box, thankful that all it said was "Amazon.com". I rushed back to my room with it, explaining to my mother that I wanted to wrap everyone's presents before they could have a chance to accidentally see them.

Once I had locked myself safely in my room, I ripped open the box and removed the other items, revealing my treasure, at the very bottom. It was in a small box, about the size of a medium sized book. I opened it, and grinned, then quickly took off my shirt, to try it out.

I spent close to an hour experimenting with the bell and diaphragm, when my mom called me for dinner, I stashed it under my pillow and quickly gulped down my food, so I could go back to my room. I spent all evening and a large portion of the night listening to my heart, completely fascinated.

These days, I'm not quite as excited about using my stethoscope, but it's still interesting every once in a while. Even though the excitement has dies down, I will never forget the thrill I felt of having a stethoscope of my very own.

Music to my Ears

Well, I'm back, after a bit of very questionable mental stability and a bunch of stuff I'd rather not mention. In recent days, I've been relying a lot on music to keep my mind in a fairly decent state. Today, I was listening to a song I really like, when I noticed something really interesting in it (skip to 1:39 or 2:05 if you want to get straight to the point).

 

So I was caught off guard by that, but I thought it was kind of cool.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot more about how my love for music and my enjoyment of the sound of a heartbeat. I think that they really are quite connected. I am especially fond of dubstep and I think that one of the reasons I like it so much is that most dubstep songs have a very strong beat to them. It may seem odd to try to relate heartbeats and music that is usually seen as violent or irritating, but I think that it makes sense. One of the things I enjoy about the sound of a heartbeat is that it is steady and rhythmic. I think that in some senses, many people who love music enjoy it because of this.

So here, my theory that there are many people who are like me and people on HBP in the enjoyment of heartbeats, seems quite possible. I think that people often are looking for something that is stable. Many people can find this in music, with beats from drums or other instruments that are repetitive and evenly spaced. Others can find this in the sound that I and others enjoy, the sound of a heartbeat.

I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about a connection between heartbeats and music, hopefully I will be able to be back to blogging more often.